I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
