So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
