What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
