It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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