I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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