apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this boner is exhausting
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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