You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
