Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
