This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
