i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
