I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
