I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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