Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
