That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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