True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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