have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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