like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
