tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you never un-have a 4some
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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