i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
