WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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