so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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