He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
