Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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