so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
