I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
