do herpes really smell.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
