I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
