Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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