I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
