It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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