we have pet lesbian snakes
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
whose parrot is this?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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