I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
