Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
