Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
