You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
