You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize