I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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