he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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