my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
