That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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