every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize