On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
this hospital has no fireball
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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