i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
