Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
