Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
