I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
