I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
