Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
