she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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