I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
