She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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