We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
