I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
