where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
