So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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