You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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