Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize