I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
