I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
