just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
