Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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