I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
