i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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