walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
