If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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