she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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