I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
