I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
