Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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