he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
