guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
